Good Life

"Sometimes there's airplanes I can't jump out
Sometimes there's bullshit that don't work now
We all got our stories but please tell me-e-e-e
What there is to complain about" - OneRepublic

I've discovered the meaning of life. Live it for yourself. Don't let the negative things people say derail your bliss. Your passion. Do you. That's it. That's all of it. This is a short post, but at least it's a post! :) 

A Long December/Auld Lang Syne

A long December and there's reason to believe/Maybe this  year will be better than the last

Should auld acquaintance be forgot/and never brought to mind
Should auld acquaintance be forgot/for auld lang syne

Every December 31st, I listen to Counting Crows' Long December. Every January 1st, I listen to Auld Lang Syne by Mairi Campbell and Dave Francis. These songs help me reflect on the last year. The good, the bad, the ugly. This year was no exception. 2015 was filled with ups and downs, as every year is. 

I tightened my inner circle and my waist line. I reconnected with an old friend, made new friends, attended SO! MANY! WEDDINGS!, and went to Mexico. 

Owning November had a pretty good year, gigging almost monthly. We booked our first gig for 2016 in October of 2015! Not too shabby.

And, probably the most exciting thing: I got back in to theatre. I auditioned for a Miscast Cabaret, and was cast. Shortly thereafter, I auditioned for A/C Theatre Company's production of Now. Here. This. After nervously auditioning, and almost throwing up during callbacks (Again, due to nerves), I was cast in that production as well! This is the first show I've done since 2001, and couldn't be more excited to be a part of this company's inaugural season, and the Arizona premiere of this show!

All I really ask of 2016 is that it bring continued health and happiness. And for you, I hope it brings the same.

Unconditionally (Or, How A Pop Star Saved My Faith)

"I'll take your bad days with your good, walk through the storm I would, do it all because I love you" - Katy Perry, Unconditionally

I may get flack for this, as some of you won't agree with what I have to say, what I believe, or how I feel. But no one's forcing you to read what I write, so there's that. 

Anyway, I've been struggling with a lot of garbage lately. An uphill battle with negativity in my life, toxic thoughts, actions, just...garbage. Nothing I feel compelled to go into, just know it's been a rough year or so. I officially left the church as an organization, but have been attempting to retain my relationship with God. I'll be the first to admit, it wasn't going well. Never bad enough to where I renounced my faith, but things were looking bleak. One night, when I was working one of my 16 hour Fridays, I have no doubt God reached out to me. His vessel for this task is admittedly an odd one: Katy Perry. Yes, you read that right: "I Kissed A Girl" Katy Perry. This may sound weird, but stay with me: I'm pretty sure a pop star saved my life. 

I mean, I know God works in mysterious ways, I've been told that my entire life. But this was a new one for me. Her song Unconditionally started playing on my iPod. I've heard it many times, but on this night, the lyrics were different somehow. "Oh no, did I get too close? Oh, did I almost see what's really on the inside? All your insecurities, all the dirty laundry, never made me blink one time." You guys. God knows about everything I've ever done. Ev. Er. Eee. Thing. And yet, He still loves me. Yes, we're taught in Sunday School as children (those of us who grew up in the church), but holy crap! Being reminded of that as an adult? One who felt he'd lost his way? Well, that was pretty dang cool. And there's another line in the song that states "Acceptance is the key to be, to be truly free", and in that moment, I heard a voice telling me to just accept the forgiveness and the grace that was offered to me when Jesus took my place on the cross. I may or may not have had to pull over due to a few (hundred) tears being shed.* 

Does this mean I'm going to be perfect? Shoot no. Lord knows I've made mistakes, and He knows I'll continue to make them. But He loves me IN SPITE of it all! He still wants to use me. He still has a plan for my life, and wants me to succeed. It doesn't get much better than that.

*TOTALLY did.

I Keep Forgettin'

"I keep forgettin' we're not in love anymore. I keep forgettin' things will never be the same again.
I keep forgettin' how you made that so clear. I keep forgettin'" - Michael McDonald

(OK, I don't keep forgettin'. I'm fully aware. That song just happened to get stuck in my head when I was trying to decide how to title this post.)

Wow, it's been a year and a half. Holy shit, how time flies.

Here's what I've been up to since the Dudevorce:

HATING my job, and yet
Getting promoted. Twice.
Moving into a bigger/better apartment.
Performing with Owning November whenever we can
Missing you less and less

I mean, that's not to say I don't MISS you. I haven't FORGOTTEN about you. I'm just less sad. I'm still disappointed with how you (and I) acted when things ended, I'm just less mad. In fact, I'm not even mad at all. I can't cry anymore, I've done too much of that, and it was really bumming me out. So, whatever happiness you're looking for, I truly hope you find it.

To those of you who made it this far in my ramblings, good form. Everyone else? Not surprised. This doesn't make much sense unless you've lived in my head for awhile. :)

Be excellent to each other,

-Kevin

It's the End Of the World As We Know It

"It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine" - R.E.M.

At the end of every year, I always have this feeling that the world is going to end. It's total Chicken Little "The sky is falling" bullcrap, but still. And every year, I go through the same "If we survive, next year is going to be different! I'm gonna eat better! Exercise! Save more money! I'm gonna stop stressing about being the only one of my siblings who is single! I'M GOING TO BLOG MORE!" And then January rolls around, and I'm stress eating food from the unhealthiest places, binge watching Friends (again) and crying. All because Rachel got off the plane for Ross and I'm #ForeverAlone. Oh, and also, um...it's been 11 months since my last blog post, so there's that.

This year, it really is going to be different. I'm getting into the habit of preparing meals. I'm doing a 10K AND a 5K this month. And will then stop running because running is terrible. But I'll walk more, OK? And yeah, saving money is tough, but baby steps. As for the stressing about being single, meh. If it happens, it happens. So what if my sisters are married with kids? I can't change that one alone, and have yet to find anyone who wants to help me change it haha. I can't promise I'll blog more, because I rarely have interesting things to talk about. And now that Friends is on Netflix, the binge watching MAY still happen occasionally. (No matter how many times I hear it, I never get sick of hearing Ross scream "WE WERE ON A BREAK!")

The long and the short of it is this: The world hasn't ended. Yet. Resolutions are dumb, but we as humans should all try to suck less.

Be excellent to each other,

- Kevin

(P.S. Yeah...Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure is also now on Netflix. And it's still awesome.)

I Will Always Love You

"I hope life treats you kind/And I hope you have all you've dreamed of/And I wish you joy, and happiness/But above all this, I wish you love" I Will Always Love You - Dolly Parton/Whitney Houston

It's been a few months since I've written anything longer than a text. To anyone. Seriously. Why, you ask? More or less, I've been in various stages of shock, confusion, anger, hurt, followed by a time of (partial) healing. That, and being busy with music stuff and whatnot.

So, what's going on in my world? Well, you 'member the friend with the ex? Weeeelllllll, they got back together. And, in case you weren't paying attention, I, uh...I don't care for her. At all. Long story short, I'm down a best friend. And a few acquaintances. I was less sad about that, but it still kinda bummed me out.

This brings us to today's question: How do you handle the end of a relationship (Any of relationship: Friendship, romantic, whatever.)? Do you do what I did: Eat a crap ton of ice cream, cry, watch sad movies, and drink a lot? Or are you more constructive with your time/anger/frustration/etc? Just wondering.

Really, not a whole lot behind this post, just wanted to start getting myself back in the habit of writing.

Hope you're all doing well!

The Sounds of Silence

"And the vision that was planted in my brain still remains...within the sound of silence" - Simon & Garfunkel

*ADVANCED WARNING: THIS ENTRY MAY GO ALL OVER THE PLACE/NOT MAKE SENSE*

Do you ever find yourself just...craving silence? For your world to calm down long enough for you to catch your breath? That's kind of where I'm at right now. I'm at a time where I need to take a step back from the craziness around me, and reflect on my goings on. Am I doing what I should be doing? Have I completely messed up somewhere along the way? Or am I just going through a time of craziness before I get to the awesome? Basically, I'm very contemplative right now. Having to make some decisions that I'm not entirely sure I WANT to make, but in the long run, might be better for me. I feel as though a season in my life is coming to a close. It's not a bad thing, but it's not easy, either. I know, this is all very vague. And the one person who actually reads this crap will probably try to tweet me, but to no avail. Part of my taking a step back includes my daily twitter/facebook binges. The apps have been deleted from my phone for the time being, and I'm trying to not even log in on my laptop. The whole "Facebook and Twitter are set as my home pages" thing is kind of messing that up, but I'm trying. I need to focus less on what others are doing, and more on me. I don't do that often enough. I don't mean that necessarily in a selfish way, more so in that I spend so much time making sure OTHERS are okay, I forget that I myself am a train wreck sometimes. I need to stop doing that.

So as I sit here, bottle of vodka to my left, water on my right, The Walking Dead on my TV screen, paused in a rather regrettable place (Why is there always so much blood?!), I'm taking a moment to remind myself to breathe. That I'm not going to be able to fix all the problems of the world (Obamacare, Government shutdowns, failed celebrity marriages, Miley Cyrus...you know, the big things). What I CAN do? Is what's best for me. Or at least what I HOPE is best. I know I've taken some pretty big steps in the right direction. Steps that I SHOULD have taken years ago. At this point, I just hope that I don't backtrack.

I sometimes need to be reminded that I'm as strong as I'll let myself be. The only thing holding me back is my own insecurities (and sometimes money, but there's never enough of that now, is there?). I sometimes just need to be told that everything is going to work out the way it's supposed to. Most times? I just need a hug. Or maybe some ice cream. Either way.

Thanks for sticking around as I babble like an idiot for a few paragraphs.