The Sounds of Silence

"And the vision that was planted in my brain still remains...within the sound of silence" - Simon & Garfunkel

*ADVANCED WARNING: THIS ENTRY MAY GO ALL OVER THE PLACE/NOT MAKE SENSE*

Do you ever find yourself just...craving silence? For your world to calm down long enough for you to catch your breath? That's kind of where I'm at right now. I'm at a time where I need to take a step back from the craziness around me, and reflect on my goings on. Am I doing what I should be doing? Have I completely messed up somewhere along the way? Or am I just going through a time of craziness before I get to the awesome? Basically, I'm very contemplative right now. Having to make some decisions that I'm not entirely sure I WANT to make, but in the long run, might be better for me. I feel as though a season in my life is coming to a close. It's not a bad thing, but it's not easy, either. I know, this is all very vague. And the one person who actually reads this crap will probably try to tweet me, but to no avail. Part of my taking a step back includes my daily twitter/facebook binges. The apps have been deleted from my phone for the time being, and I'm trying to not even log in on my laptop. The whole "Facebook and Twitter are set as my home pages" thing is kind of messing that up, but I'm trying. I need to focus less on what others are doing, and more on me. I don't do that often enough. I don't mean that necessarily in a selfish way, more so in that I spend so much time making sure OTHERS are okay, I forget that I myself am a train wreck sometimes. I need to stop doing that.

So as I sit here, bottle of vodka to my left, water on my right, The Walking Dead on my TV screen, paused in a rather regrettable place (Why is there always so much blood?!), I'm taking a moment to remind myself to breathe. That I'm not going to be able to fix all the problems of the world (Obamacare, Government shutdowns, failed celebrity marriages, Miley Cyrus...you know, the big things). What I CAN do? Is what's best for me. Or at least what I HOPE is best. I know I've taken some pretty big steps in the right direction. Steps that I SHOULD have taken years ago. At this point, I just hope that I don't backtrack.

I sometimes need to be reminded that I'm as strong as I'll let myself be. The only thing holding me back is my own insecurities (and sometimes money, but there's never enough of that now, is there?). I sometimes just need to be told that everything is going to work out the way it's supposed to. Most times? I just need a hug. Or maybe some ice cream. Either way.

Thanks for sticking around as I babble like an idiot for a few paragraphs.