Unconditionally (Or, How A Pop Star Saved My Faith)

"I'll take your bad days with your good, walk through the storm I would, do it all because I love you" - Katy Perry, Unconditionally

I may get flack for this, as some of you won't agree with what I have to say, what I believe, or how I feel. But no one's forcing you to read what I write, so there's that. 

Anyway, I've been struggling with a lot of garbage lately. An uphill battle with negativity in my life, toxic thoughts, actions, just...garbage. Nothing I feel compelled to go into, just know it's been a rough year or so. I officially left the church as an organization, but have been attempting to retain my relationship with God. I'll be the first to admit, it wasn't going well. Never bad enough to where I renounced my faith, but things were looking bleak. One night, when I was working one of my 16 hour Fridays, I have no doubt God reached out to me. His vessel for this task is admittedly an odd one: Katy Perry. Yes, you read that right: "I Kissed A Girl" Katy Perry. This may sound weird, but stay with me: I'm pretty sure a pop star saved my life. 

I mean, I know God works in mysterious ways, I've been told that my entire life. But this was a new one for me. Her song Unconditionally started playing on my iPod. I've heard it many times, but on this night, the lyrics were different somehow. "Oh no, did I get too close? Oh, did I almost see what's really on the inside? All your insecurities, all the dirty laundry, never made me blink one time." You guys. God knows about everything I've ever done. Ev. Er. Eee. Thing. And yet, He still loves me. Yes, we're taught in Sunday School as children (those of us who grew up in the church), but holy crap! Being reminded of that as an adult? One who felt he'd lost his way? Well, that was pretty dang cool. And there's another line in the song that states "Acceptance is the key to be, to be truly free", and in that moment, I heard a voice telling me to just accept the forgiveness and the grace that was offered to me when Jesus took my place on the cross. I may or may not have had to pull over due to a few (hundred) tears being shed.* 

Does this mean I'm going to be perfect? Shoot no. Lord knows I've made mistakes, and He knows I'll continue to make them. But He loves me IN SPITE of it all! He still wants to use me. He still has a plan for my life, and wants me to succeed. It doesn't get much better than that.

*TOTALLY did.

I Keep Forgettin'

"I keep forgettin' we're not in love anymore. I keep forgettin' things will never be the same again.
I keep forgettin' how you made that so clear. I keep forgettin'" - Michael McDonald

(OK, I don't keep forgettin'. I'm fully aware. That song just happened to get stuck in my head when I was trying to decide how to title this post.)

Wow, it's been a year and a half. Holy shit, how time flies.

Here's what I've been up to since the Dudevorce:

HATING my job, and yet
Getting promoted. Twice.
Moving into a bigger/better apartment.
Performing with Owning November whenever we can
Missing you less and less

I mean, that's not to say I don't MISS you. I haven't FORGOTTEN about you. I'm just less sad. I'm still disappointed with how you (and I) acted when things ended, I'm just less mad. In fact, I'm not even mad at all. I can't cry anymore, I've done too much of that, and it was really bumming me out. So, whatever happiness you're looking for, I truly hope you find it.

To those of you who made it this far in my ramblings, good form. Everyone else? Not surprised. This doesn't make much sense unless you've lived in my head for awhile. :)

Be excellent to each other,

-Kevin

It's the End Of the World As We Know It

"It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine" - R.E.M.

At the end of every year, I always have this feeling that the world is going to end. It's total Chicken Little "The sky is falling" bullcrap, but still. And every year, I go through the same "If we survive, next year is going to be different! I'm gonna eat better! Exercise! Save more money! I'm gonna stop stressing about being the only one of my siblings who is single! I'M GOING TO BLOG MORE!" And then January rolls around, and I'm stress eating food from the unhealthiest places, binge watching Friends (again) and crying. All because Rachel got off the plane for Ross and I'm #ForeverAlone. Oh, and also, um...it's been 11 months since my last blog post, so there's that.

This year, it really is going to be different. I'm getting into the habit of preparing meals. I'm doing a 10K AND a 5K this month. And will then stop running because running is terrible. But I'll walk more, OK? And yeah, saving money is tough, but baby steps. As for the stressing about being single, meh. If it happens, it happens. So what if my sisters are married with kids? I can't change that one alone, and have yet to find anyone who wants to help me change it haha. I can't promise I'll blog more, because I rarely have interesting things to talk about. And now that Friends is on Netflix, the binge watching MAY still happen occasionally. (No matter how many times I hear it, I never get sick of hearing Ross scream "WE WERE ON A BREAK!")

The long and the short of it is this: The world hasn't ended. Yet. Resolutions are dumb, but we as humans should all try to suck less.

Be excellent to each other,

- Kevin

(P.S. Yeah...Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure is also now on Netflix. And it's still awesome.)