Tell Me Lies

"Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies. (Tell me liiieeessss) Tell me tell me lies!" - Fleetwood Mac

When I was in high school, I had a friend. A BEST friend even. [Good for you, Kevin. Good for you.] One of the new people that (I thought) I could trust. With anything. People like that are great to have in your life, right? Yeah...you'd think.

One day, we were working on something at my house, and he had his email open. He asked me to look something up for him, so I did. I happened to glance at the subject of an email that had been sent. It was my name. He was telling the girl I had, moments earlier, confessed my interest in, not to worry about my liking her because I was gay.

*Pause*

*Pause*

*Pause*

WHAT?

OK, let's be honest: That wasn't a new thing for people to be saying about me. I've never had anyone ask if it's true before spreading that rumor, but still. Nothing new. Anyway. This dude is supposed to be my best friend, he's not supposed to be talking crap about me behind my back! I let it sink in for a moment. Thought about it. Didn't say anything to him. Why bring it up?

A few weeks later, I was just having a bad day. So I did end up saying something to him. And guess what he did? He said to me "I never said that..."

What happened next is even worse, and why I've decided high school K Fend was an idiot. I said "OK, just wanted to check.", and we hugged it out. I'll allow that to sink in for you. Yeah. I SAW it, and still believed him when he said he didn't send it. Say it with me: You, sir, are an idiot.

I've been replaying this whole thing in my head all day. Why didn't I say "Dude, check your email. I CAN read, you know."? Why didn't I beat the crap out of him? Why didn't I just cut my losses and stop talking to him? I have a theory on this. High school is an awful, awful time. We're always trying to find ourselves. To fit in. Be a part of something. My then friend was a golden boy. Everyone knew him. By extension, they knew who I was. I FIT IN! ...sort of. I guess I didn't want to give that up.

Fortunately for us all, high school ends. And that? Is when we TRULY find ourselves. When we don't have to worry about keeping up with the latest fads, the newest clothes, the what the crap ever. After high school, we get to breathe. To BE.

That's just my take on things. Feel free to share yours. I like the interaction. :)