Beauty in the World

"There is beauty in the world/So much beauty in the world/Always beauty in the world/So much beauty in the world/Shake your booty boys and girls for the beauty in the world/Pick your diamond pick your pearl there is beauty in the world" Beauty in the World - Macy Gray

"Dude. Are your toenails...painted??"

I get asked this frequently. For something that really doesn't matter? I get asked it too much. Fortunately for me, IDGAF when it comes to people's opinion(s) of me. That's none of my business. However, I love the reason I get my toenails painted, and I'm in a sharing mood. So here's a story. A heart melting story.  A story of a boy. A girl. And the boy's first pedicure:

I was in my early 20s when I got my first pedicure. I went with my roommate at the time, she was getting acrylics put on, and I figured "Why not?". So I had a seat. In the chair next to me, was a little girl, probably 5 or 6. She had Down's syndrome, and was getting a manicure with her mom. She looked over at me, said hi, then asked me what color I was going to do. I smiled and said "Well, I'm not getting a color." She shook her head at me and said "I think you should..." Guys. How could I say no? I looked back at her and said "Okay. Go pick a color, and I'll do it." So, naturally, she picked bright green. I, naively, thought that was the end of it. Little did I know, she was getting polka dots on her manicure. She looked over at me again, grinning. "Do you like my nails? What color are you going to have for your dots?" ...Crap. "Yes," I responded dutifully, "I DO like your nails. I hadn't planned on doing dots today." She got me again with those big eyes. "I think you should..." "And why is that?", I asked. "I think everyone should have beauty in their lives." Oh COME ON! You have to be a terrorist to not melt a little bit when a 5 year old girl says something like that to you! I relented. "Okay. Go pick out a color. I'll get polka dots." So, naturally, she picked purple. I had Barney toes for a little bit. Whatever, I rocked the crap out of them. After she and her mom were done, mom came up and said "She normally doesn't talk this much to people she doesn't know. Thank you for being so sweet." It definitely made my day.

Ever since that afternoon, I'm reminded of my young friend's wise words: Everyone should have beauty in their lives. So yeah, I paint my toenails. Because even on days that I can't see the beauty in the world, due to my being blinded by bad days, the general state of the world, whatever, I know that I've got painted toenails. And part of my world is beautiful for that.

 (Photo: my sister and I after our most recent pedicures)

Talking To Myself

Have you ever been speaking with someone, looking directly at them, and you just know they're not paying attention? Like, you THINK they're hearing what you're saying, but not...responding? That's my life. A huge majority of the time. It's as if I'm saying everything I need to say, as loud as I can possibly say it, but no one hears me. It's not fun. Sometimes? All I want is to be heard. This post isn't all that fun, and for that I apologize. But sometimes I just need to vent, and this is cheaper than therapy.

Our Lips Are Sealed

Earlier this week, I did something I've always secretly wanted to. I did stand up and an open mic night. While waiting for my turn, I sat through several comics. Some great, some...not so great. Three times, my sexuality was called into question. Which leads me to something I will NEVER understand: Why does it even matter? Why does who I love mean anything to anyone? And are these judgements based solely on my looks? The way I talk? What? Regardless, it's really getting old. If you've taken the time to get to know me, you know my "sexual preference", which is "often". Haaaa jokes. But seriously, I don't care who you are, who you love is your choice. If they beat you, treat you like crap, etc, I'll step in (especially if you're in my inner circle), but otherwise? Who needs to talk about it? No on, that's who. As The Go-Gos, and later Hilary and Haylie Duff said: Our lips are sealed. Unless you like ME...then I'm freaking telling EVERYONE!

*Inappropriate Denis Leary Song Title*

I have a question for you. Yes, you. Why do people have to be such douchebags? I've spent the last 14 years of my life in the customer service industry, and the only constant? Has been rudeness. Where did we get this idea that we don't have to be nice to the people who serve us our food? Or sell us those shoes/shirts/pants? Or answer our questions over the phone? Like really? Whatever happened to the idea of "Treat people how you want to be treated.", the concept of "If you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nuthin' at all." (Thumper)? I understand we all have bad days (some of us more than others), but why on earth would you take it out on a complete stranger? That thought is so foreign to me. I make sure to (try) to treat people with respect, ESPECIALLY I they're just trying to help me. Now, don't get me wrong, if you're in customer service and you hate your job? You deserve to deal with cranky people. Your attitude determines that of your customers (and others around you). It really does. Are we just programmed to make everyone around us miserable when we're in a bad mood? Let's change that, people. Smile once in awhile. Quit being so miserable all the danged time.


...I'm working on this in my own life, and I feel that putting it out in the open makes me more responsible for my actions. Or something.

(P.S. The title of today's post? Rhymes with sass pole. Tee hee. Sass pole.)

Love Song For No One

"Staying home alone on a Friday
Flat on the floor looking back
On old love
Or lack thereof
After all the crushes are faded
And all my wishful thinking was wrong
I'm jaded
I hate it

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
Get here"- John Mayer
Love Song For No One (Live) - John Mayer

I'm tired of people telling me I need to get over my "fear of rejection" and that I just need to "put myself out there". Answer me this: How do I have a fear of rejection when a large majority of my life is spent...being...rejected? And I don't JUST mean romantically. Don't forget, I'm a (struggling) rockstar first, author second (And yes. I use the word "author" lightly...please. I write dribble, and only write when I'm bored or perplexed). The biggest constant in my field? Is rejection. Hustle, sing your heart out, hear "no" again, repeat. This goes on for years. I'm noticing the same trend when it comes to trying to find a date. Yes, a. One. Not "The One", just a single freaking date. Except I don't always sing my heart out. (OK, yes I do.)

Anyway, my point is this. I don't have a fear of rejection, I'm just tired of it. Please note the difference.

So, on the one hand, I'm tired of being rejected. On the other? I'm like John Mayer. Tired of being alone. Ah, life and your Catch 22s....

This is just something that was bugging me today. No one has to read it, I don't know that anyone will, and that's OK. A lot of times I'll probably be writing for my own sanity anyway.

Lovers and Friends...and Exes

Sounds like if Usher were to release a Country song, doesn't it? (Usher has a song called Lovers and Friends. Jus...Just look it up, OK? It's not a great song, but at least you're sort of know where the title came from) But this topic is something that just...perplexes me beyond all reason. My best friend went through a break up recently...for the third time...from the same person...whom I never really liked. But that's beside the point.

It's not that I'm afraid of them getting back together, he's used some very choice words about her as of late. Pretty sure he doesn't want to go back down that path (again). The thing that has me confuzzled is this: They're still friends on facebook. They still follow each other on instagram.  They still text. WTF? Why? Who does that? If you ask me, break ups are difficult. They suck. They're not fun for anybody. Am I the only one who thinks that the last thing I need to see after a breakup is an ex liking a picture I just posted? Or commenting on the fact that I'm sitting at home alone, sobbing into my Ben & Jerry's while watching Marley & Me? As my dear friend Sweet Brown would say, "Ain't nobody got time fo' that!"

We're human. We need time to heal. Time to truly get over the breakup. Time to regroup and gather our thoughts. Time to be with our bros (or ladybros, for my female subscribers). I guess I just personally don't understand this whole idea of remaining friends with the person who tore out your effing heart and trampled it into a kajillion pieces. At least not so close to the actual breaking up. Trying out the whole "being friends" thing a few months/years after the fact, is one thing. But in the middle of it? I don't see it being a good idea. Or healthy, for that matter. But hey, maybe that's just me.

Remember when I said I was going to interact with you guys? Well, allow me to ask you a question: Do you think staying friends with your ex(es) is a good idea immediately after a break up? Why or why not?

No, seriously.

This is an actual live thought I've had recently. I'm newly 30, and feel like I have a lot of REALLY important (to me) thoughts that I sometimes can't keep to myself. And just like that (inset snap here), I decided to write a memoir. Is it [30] really too young? I guess we'll see. But while that is in process, and I dig deep into the inner recesses of my brain case, new thoughts pop up. Which I guess tends to happen. And is still kind of annoying. But what can ya do? Oh! I KNOW! START A BLOG! ...I'm sorry for yelling. I just got really excited just then.

So, this is my blog. It'll be about everything and nothing at the same time. <--- Haaaa Michelle Branch lyric.

Some of this stuff may end up in the actual book, most of it may not. If it does, I hope you get deja vu...mainly because it's an awesome feeling.

Oh! Here's the thing: If I pose questions within my blog? Odds are, I'll want answers/interaction. So...comment and stuff.

More randomness to follow. Sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride