Love Song For No One

"Staying home alone on a Friday
Flat on the floor looking back
On old love
Or lack thereof
After all the crushes are faded
And all my wishful thinking was wrong
I'm jaded
I hate it

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
Get here"- John Mayer
Love Song For No One (Live) - John Mayer

I'm tired of people telling me I need to get over my "fear of rejection" and that I just need to "put myself out there". Answer me this: How do I have a fear of rejection when a large majority of my life is spent...being...rejected? And I don't JUST mean romantically. Don't forget, I'm a (struggling) rockstar first, author second (And yes. I use the word "author" lightly...please. I write dribble, and only write when I'm bored or perplexed). The biggest constant in my field? Is rejection. Hustle, sing your heart out, hear "no" again, repeat. This goes on for years. I'm noticing the same trend when it comes to trying to find a date. Yes, a. One. Not "The One", just a single freaking date. Except I don't always sing my heart out. (OK, yes I do.)

Anyway, my point is this. I don't have a fear of rejection, I'm just tired of it. Please note the difference.

So, on the one hand, I'm tired of being rejected. On the other? I'm like John Mayer. Tired of being alone. Ah, life and your Catch 22s....

This is just something that was bugging me today. No one has to read it, I don't know that anyone will, and that's OK. A lot of times I'll probably be writing for my own sanity anyway.

Lovers and Friends...and Exes

Sounds like if Usher were to release a Country song, doesn't it? (Usher has a song called Lovers and Friends. Jus...Just look it up, OK? It's not a great song, but at least you're sort of know where the title came from) But this topic is something that just...perplexes me beyond all reason. My best friend went through a break up recently...for the third time...from the same person...whom I never really liked. But that's beside the point.

It's not that I'm afraid of them getting back together, he's used some very choice words about her as of late. Pretty sure he doesn't want to go back down that path (again). The thing that has me confuzzled is this: They're still friends on facebook. They still follow each other on instagram.  They still text. WTF? Why? Who does that? If you ask me, break ups are difficult. They suck. They're not fun for anybody. Am I the only one who thinks that the last thing I need to see after a breakup is an ex liking a picture I just posted? Or commenting on the fact that I'm sitting at home alone, sobbing into my Ben & Jerry's while watching Marley & Me? As my dear friend Sweet Brown would say, "Ain't nobody got time fo' that!"

We're human. We need time to heal. Time to truly get over the breakup. Time to regroup and gather our thoughts. Time to be with our bros (or ladybros, for my female subscribers). I guess I just personally don't understand this whole idea of remaining friends with the person who tore out your effing heart and trampled it into a kajillion pieces. At least not so close to the actual breaking up. Trying out the whole "being friends" thing a few months/years after the fact, is one thing. But in the middle of it? I don't see it being a good idea. Or healthy, for that matter. But hey, maybe that's just me.

Remember when I said I was going to interact with you guys? Well, allow me to ask you a question: Do you think staying friends with your ex(es) is a good idea immediately after a break up? Why or why not?

No, seriously.

This is an actual live thought I've had recently. I'm newly 30, and feel like I have a lot of REALLY important (to me) thoughts that I sometimes can't keep to myself. And just like that (inset snap here), I decided to write a memoir. Is it [30] really too young? I guess we'll see. But while that is in process, and I dig deep into the inner recesses of my brain case, new thoughts pop up. Which I guess tends to happen. And is still kind of annoying. But what can ya do? Oh! I KNOW! START A BLOG! ...I'm sorry for yelling. I just got really excited just then.

So, this is my blog. It'll be about everything and nothing at the same time. <--- Haaaa Michelle Branch lyric.

Some of this stuff may end up in the actual book, most of it may not. If it does, I hope you get deja vu...mainly because it's an awesome feeling.

Oh! Here's the thing: If I pose questions within my blog? Odds are, I'll want answers/interaction. So...comment and stuff.

More randomness to follow. Sit back, buckle up, and enjoy the ride