Hello Darkness, my old friend...
This post is hard to write. It seems that lately, I only update this when the things I have to say are difficult. Why is that? Whatever, I'm stalling.
My last entry marked the beginning of me being true to myself, and being more transparent. I've been good at that...for the most part. Except when it comes to my depression. I still have a tendency to hide that part of myself from most people. Why? I'm not 100% sure. But I do.
So, to catch you up on the last year: I've added 6 shows to my acting resume, joined an improv team, started another podcast, started a new job, and have remained single af. Now that we're caught up, let's get real:
Life is actually going great! I have great friends, a great job, and am getting to perform. A lot. You would think this would all equal happiness. And yet? I've been battling my depression again. For the first time in years, but it's back with a vengeance. I'm able to function, but have been feeling very much alone, and like I'm a burden on people. Like people only agree to hang out with me because they feel obligated. Here's where it's different than every other episode, however. This time? I know it's all in my head. I know it's only for now. I know the people in my life genuinely do care about me.
So why am I talking about it? Because no one should ever feel alone. Even if it's all in their head. I understand why we do, however. We're told that if we're depressed, it means something's wrong with us. This isn't the case. And even if it is, that doesn't mean we should be made to feel like we don't matter. We shouldn't be swept under the rug to avoid conversations that make other people uncomfortable. It's time to break the stigma behind mental illness. Because of this, I've decided to make my struggle known. If you feel comfortable doing the same, I 100% encourage you to. However, I know not everyone will, and that's totally fine! Just now that, in your own struggle, you're not alone. Someone will always be there to struggle with, listen to, or simply just...BE with you. Please don't hesitate to reach out to someone you trust.
You will be found. I promise.
***If you're feeling suicidal, please get help. Call 1-800-273-8255. If you don't feel comfortable speaking with someone, you can text 741741, and a counselor will text you back.***
